On one side, there is a voice that says:
As a person of privilege, accept the fact that everything you do is inherently violent. Even when "helping," you are simply reinforcing the status quo--people with power maintaining their power by forcing their will upon people with less power. So if you want to "do good," work on yourself.
And on the other side, another voice responds:
"Work on yourself?" What a ridiculous expression of privilege. Yes, great...go on a retreat, take meditation class, go swimming, write in your little stupid journal. Just do all of these luxurious, indulgent things to "discover" yourself. Screw you, you privileged jerk. Get off your ass and DO SOMETHING to actually rebalance power instead of "learning about yourself."
This is the internal conversation that has been following me around since college, although only now can I see it for what it is: poison. There is nothing in that conversation that helps anyone. Now I see it for what it is and I know where these voices go now (see picture).
...HOWEVER...
Despite how unhelpful these voices are, when muffled by the plastic walls of airtight brain tupperware, they do bear two gentler kernels of truth that I will not and must not ever forget.
- As a privileged person, I must be careful in considering my role as someone trying to make the world a better place.
- I must balance my internal and external work.